Have you ever done something to take charge of your life/future? Something or some decision or even a new mind set that empowered you, exhilirated you, made you feel all nice and grown up (in a good way)?
I did that the other day. It felt good. Part of me wanted to go around and tell anyone and everyone I ran into, to shout it from rooftops about how awesome and mature I felt. However, another part of me, a bigger part, is keeping it all to myself. It's a thing of my own, all my own for my own benefit and empowerment, and to be honest I just don't want to share it.
The thing is, it's good to feel like you're in control of something, especially aspects of your life. So much of our lives are out of our control and we all try in vain to control as much of it as we can. At least, that's what I do. So to actually gain control over something was such an exhilerating feeling! I keep saying exhilerated don't I? That's the only way I can seem to describe it. I wanted to fly! I almost felt like I could! It was one more step towards accomplishing my new year's resolutions, to me becoming who I want to be, to finding out who I really am and just what I'm made of.
It was especially great for me because I've always been someone who is more concerned in pleasing everyone else and making sure they're happy than to worry about myself. Not that I think that's wrong, and I still do it, but I'm beginning to realize just what the consequences are of neglecting oneself for thirty years. I want to be the girl who's okay in her own skin. I'm not there by a long shot, but I'm working on it.
I went and got a haircut yesterday. That felt good too. What is it about a haircut that makes you feel like you're letting go of things and starting fresh? What is it about your hairdresser that makes her feel like one of your best friends even though you don't see her that often? (Especially me as I only get my haircut about once a year.) I don't really know the answers to these questions. I have my ideas, but my guess is it's a little different for everyone.
For me, since this is only a yearly deal, it feels good to be rid of all the dead hair. Getting rid of it feels like dropping dead weight from your life, and as the person who helps you do that, a good hairdresser is like a good friend. I know I should go more often, my split ends will tell you that, but beauty has never been something I've been willing or interested in spending a lot of time or money on. I'm just not that girl. That's changing. I do it now for myself, because believe it or not it feels good to make yourself look nice. It helps me feel good about myself, and accentuate the things I like, and hide the ones I don't like, of which there are many. Long gone are the days of my angsty teenage years where I didn't put in any effort on myself, one, because I didn't like myself really and two, because I was in protest of the prom queens and cheerleaders in high school who made me feel like I had to wear make up and do my hair and buy the latest fashions just to be accepted or liked. Nobody, nobody, tells me what to do. I walk my own path.
Speaking of pathways, (you like that segue?) today at church our minister preached on walking the pathway of disciplship and what it means to really follow Jesus in order to become more like him and a couple points stood out to me. (You can listen to or download a pdf document of Pastor Shirey's sermon on our church website here: http://www.coolwaterchurch.org/#/sermons/watchlisten-to-sermons)
First, he quoted Paul's letter in 1Timothy 4:7-8, Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. He went on to explain that we need to do are "Christian calesthenics" such as pray, participae in fellowship, and devote ourselves to bible study etc. Pastor Shirey said, "That word translated “train” in Greek is gumnaze from which we get our word gymnasium. Just as a gymnasium is a place to exercise the body so Coach Paul is urging young disciple Timothy to set aside time for work-outs in the spiritual gymnasium to exercise his spirit." Since one of my new year's resolutions is to work out more physically, this caught my attention. That's all well and good, but I was neglecting the best work out-God's work out. *forehead smack* Just like I feel good after a nice physical work out, I never feel so content with life and whole as a person as I do after some good prayer, fellowship, bible study, or combination of all three. So, add it to my list of resolutions: Christian Calesthenics.
Secondly, Pastor David mentioned that not only do we have to be willing to work out, we have to be willing to be worked on, as in let God change us. He compared it to a potter working clay. It's rough, hard work. Clay gets a beating before it becomes beautiful pottery. Are we really willing to do that? To be beat, pounded, stretched, thrown? I'll be the first to tell you that that is not something I'm jumping right up to volunteer for. I do not like change. Change has been something I've been against since before birth. It started in the womb when my mother said I'd go days without moving and continued through my young life while my father was in the navy and we never stayed anywhere too long. Things were always changing. So, I'm good at holding on to whatever I can. When I was young I took solace in the only constant I had, my mom. I am all about finding a nice comfortable spot and setting up camp. However, since coming to Coolwater I've changed. I was part of a group in the early years of the church who went down to Puerto Penasco, Mexico to build a house for a needy family there. If you know me at all you will know that one, I don't do well in a place like Mexico where some of the areas can be sketchy, especially when I don't know the language, and two, I am not one to volunteer for physical labor. Yet, being a part of that first group, seeing the people's faces when their house was completed, was one of the most fulfilling, and proud moments of my life. I actually enjoyed it! As a friend of mine says, "what the monkey?!"
I've come to learn that as hard and unwanted, on my part anyway, change is, it's something I need. I can't stay the same. What sort of life would that be? To sum up yet again what Pastor Shirey said this morning, how would it look if we meet God at the end of our days and he tells us that he tried to help us, mold us, change us, but we refused to do our part and work out and so we're just the same as we started out. How embarrassing. How sad.
Anyway, I don't know how this post turned so philosophical. I guess I've just been doing a lot of searching lately, and decision making about who I want to be. I do my own thing, like writting this blog. I notice the little things no one else sees. I take joy from simple acts of random kindness, like the way a four year old hugged me without question upon first introduction. I welcome advice from friends, like one who said today that our lives are what we make it and it all comes from the words in our mouths. If I keep saying poor pitiful me, I'm gonna be poor pitiful me. If I say I'm happy, I'm happy. Sounds so simple right. So simple it might actually work.!
I did that the other day. It felt good. Part of me wanted to go around and tell anyone and everyone I ran into, to shout it from rooftops about how awesome and mature I felt. However, another part of me, a bigger part, is keeping it all to myself. It's a thing of my own, all my own for my own benefit and empowerment, and to be honest I just don't want to share it.
The thing is, it's good to feel like you're in control of something, especially aspects of your life. So much of our lives are out of our control and we all try in vain to control as much of it as we can. At least, that's what I do. So to actually gain control over something was such an exhilerating feeling! I keep saying exhilerated don't I? That's the only way I can seem to describe it. I wanted to fly! I almost felt like I could! It was one more step towards accomplishing my new year's resolutions, to me becoming who I want to be, to finding out who I really am and just what I'm made of.
It was especially great for me because I've always been someone who is more concerned in pleasing everyone else and making sure they're happy than to worry about myself. Not that I think that's wrong, and I still do it, but I'm beginning to realize just what the consequences are of neglecting oneself for thirty years. I want to be the girl who's okay in her own skin. I'm not there by a long shot, but I'm working on it.
I went and got a haircut yesterday. That felt good too. What is it about a haircut that makes you feel like you're letting go of things and starting fresh? What is it about your hairdresser that makes her feel like one of your best friends even though you don't see her that often? (Especially me as I only get my haircut about once a year.) I don't really know the answers to these questions. I have my ideas, but my guess is it's a little different for everyone.
For me, since this is only a yearly deal, it feels good to be rid of all the dead hair. Getting rid of it feels like dropping dead weight from your life, and as the person who helps you do that, a good hairdresser is like a good friend. I know I should go more often, my split ends will tell you that, but beauty has never been something I've been willing or interested in spending a lot of time or money on. I'm just not that girl. That's changing. I do it now for myself, because believe it or not it feels good to make yourself look nice. It helps me feel good about myself, and accentuate the things I like, and hide the ones I don't like, of which there are many. Long gone are the days of my angsty teenage years where I didn't put in any effort on myself, one, because I didn't like myself really and two, because I was in protest of the prom queens and cheerleaders in high school who made me feel like I had to wear make up and do my hair and buy the latest fashions just to be accepted or liked. Nobody, nobody, tells me what to do. I walk my own path.
Speaking of pathways, (you like that segue?) today at church our minister preached on walking the pathway of disciplship and what it means to really follow Jesus in order to become more like him and a couple points stood out to me. (You can listen to or download a pdf document of Pastor Shirey's sermon on our church website here: http://www.coolwaterchurch.org/#/sermons/watchlisten-to-sermons)
First, he quoted Paul's letter in 1Timothy 4:7-8, Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. He went on to explain that we need to do are "Christian calesthenics" such as pray, participae in fellowship, and devote ourselves to bible study etc. Pastor Shirey said, "That word translated “train” in Greek is gumnaze from which we get our word gymnasium. Just as a gymnasium is a place to exercise the body so Coach Paul is urging young disciple Timothy to set aside time for work-outs in the spiritual gymnasium to exercise his spirit." Since one of my new year's resolutions is to work out more physically, this caught my attention. That's all well and good, but I was neglecting the best work out-God's work out. *forehead smack* Just like I feel good after a nice physical work out, I never feel so content with life and whole as a person as I do after some good prayer, fellowship, bible study, or combination of all three. So, add it to my list of resolutions: Christian Calesthenics.
Secondly, Pastor David mentioned that not only do we have to be willing to work out, we have to be willing to be worked on, as in let God change us. He compared it to a potter working clay. It's rough, hard work. Clay gets a beating before it becomes beautiful pottery. Are we really willing to do that? To be beat, pounded, stretched, thrown? I'll be the first to tell you that that is not something I'm jumping right up to volunteer for. I do not like change. Change has been something I've been against since before birth. It started in the womb when my mother said I'd go days without moving and continued through my young life while my father was in the navy and we never stayed anywhere too long. Things were always changing. So, I'm good at holding on to whatever I can. When I was young I took solace in the only constant I had, my mom. I am all about finding a nice comfortable spot and setting up camp. However, since coming to Coolwater I've changed. I was part of a group in the early years of the church who went down to Puerto Penasco, Mexico to build a house for a needy family there. If you know me at all you will know that one, I don't do well in a place like Mexico where some of the areas can be sketchy, especially when I don't know the language, and two, I am not one to volunteer for physical labor. Yet, being a part of that first group, seeing the people's faces when their house was completed, was one of the most fulfilling, and proud moments of my life. I actually enjoyed it! As a friend of mine says, "what the monkey?!"
I've come to learn that as hard and unwanted, on my part anyway, change is, it's something I need. I can't stay the same. What sort of life would that be? To sum up yet again what Pastor Shirey said this morning, how would it look if we meet God at the end of our days and he tells us that he tried to help us, mold us, change us, but we refused to do our part and work out and so we're just the same as we started out. How embarrassing. How sad.
Anyway, I don't know how this post turned so philosophical. I guess I've just been doing a lot of searching lately, and decision making about who I want to be. I do my own thing, like writting this blog. I notice the little things no one else sees. I take joy from simple acts of random kindness, like the way a four year old hugged me without question upon first introduction. I welcome advice from friends, like one who said today that our lives are what we make it and it all comes from the words in our mouths. If I keep saying poor pitiful me, I'm gonna be poor pitiful me. If I say I'm happy, I'm happy. Sounds so simple right. So simple it might actually work.!